Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
