i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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