So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
