Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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