you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
