Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
