I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize