WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
