as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
