dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize