i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
