That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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