if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
