I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
