Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
