this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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