You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
