i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
