I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
