need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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