I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
