I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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