You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
