The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
