sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
