I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
third nipple confirmed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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