Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
