I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
