he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You made out with two different species that night
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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