The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
