Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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