dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
