i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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