he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
