During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
