Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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