I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
