only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize