Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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