I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
