Kareoke will never be a sober sport
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
