It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
