I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize