So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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