So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
