I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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