so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
