Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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