She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
