I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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