ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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