I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
