Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
