I think I won the penis lottery.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
