i just wanna soil my oats bro
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
