would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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