Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
