I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just found puke in my bra..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
