don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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