we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
