I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
