If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
