I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
