dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
