he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
