you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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