we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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