You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
