were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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