she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
