What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
