i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
