I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
