bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
