She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just gargled with NyQuil
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
