Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
