so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
