New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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