it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
