you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Someone came in the potted fern
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
