I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
