She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
