Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
