We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
