census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
