There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
