Pregnant stripper...not hot.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
