my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
