HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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