The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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