Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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