Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
