The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
