Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
