She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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